Chimpathetic

Amid speeches, platitudes, gloomy market closes and dire earnings reports the story that has really intriuged me this week was another matter entirely.

In a quick and decisive move, the House has acted quickly to enact legislation prohibiting the ownership of chimpanzees and other primates. The bill is expected to clear the Senate shortly. This magnificent piece of political genius happened “in the wake of a brutal - and highly publicized - attack last week in which a Connecticut woman was critically injured by a rampaging chimp. It passed easily by a 323-95 vote.”

Are we serious? Clearly the individual ownership of chimpanzees is at best ill-conceived and at worst dangerous. But what has happened to freedom? What has happened to liberty? What, for that matter, has happened to states rights?

“Lions & tigers & bears, oh my!” We needed the federal government to move aggressively on this critical issue why? And what will be next? Maybe overweight cats are too big a drag on the economy…outlaw ‘em! Parrots could go cage-crazy and peck out an eye…deport the feathered little buggers! Personally I detest pit bulls and think ownership of one is criminally stupid but I must say that I would fight for the right of every American to own one if they choose to.

Where was speedy and decisive federal action about actual issues…you know, things like Freddie Mac & Fannie Mae gaily loaning money to dishonest and/or starry-eyed naïve homeowners, or maybe the appalling lack of airline safety measures or perhaps premium crazy health insurers or even more federal support for mass transit. Actual honest-to-god problems that affect more than that poor woman in Connecticut.

Why, I am amazed that so many Americans have escaped similar grisly fates before the federal government swooped in to save us! This one small piece of legislation may signal, I fear, a rapid slide down a very slippery slope. Who among our founding fathers could have envisioned the need for Patrick Henry to say "Give me liberty or give me a monkey"!